Coming Clean

I sat down to write my race report for Ironman 70.3 Coeur d'Alene, but as I struggled with how to start, I realized a race report seemed superficial and disingenuous as I struggle with a far more weighty matter: my marriage.

Wedding Day, September 13, 2008

Some might say that I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry in a public forum, but because I know so many other couples that are also treading water, I thought it could only benefit them. I am not a very public person, so this doesn't come naturally. Bear with me.

Here goes.

A few months ago, I was tempted by the fruit of another (in the words of Squeeze). Some might say I cheated; others, that it was just innocent online flirtation. Whatever you call it, I hid it from Bill, which was a sure sign it wasn't the right thing to do. Fortunately, I put an end to it before it became physical, and came clean to Bill. I regret my actions, and I certainly regret hurting Bill.

But, as the cliche goes, the cheating wasn't the problem itself; it was a symptom of the problem. I was a ticking time bomb.

Since having Carter 7 years ago, Bill and I had grown apart, emotionally. We still held the same values, enjoy the same activities, etc., but the connection was lost. It happened so slowly, so quietly, that we didn't even know it was happening. We lived parallel lives, parenting our two kids, working, training for our various events.... We'd become really good roommates and project managers.

It wasn't until this incident that it became clear I was desperately missing that connection. I'd grown so accustomed to not feeling, to being numb, that when someone made me feel again, it was like everything in the world was brighter. I felt whole. It was the feeling I am sure I had with Bill when we were first dating, but that years of relationship neglect had let slip away.

While I am a bit of a dreamer and romantic, I don't truly believe this feeling I had is something that could be sustained over the long run with anyone, no matter how strong the initial connection. Passion fades. I also don't truly believe that I can magically return to the honeymoon period with my spouse; there is simply too much history, too much baggage. 

Marriage is fucking hard.

I do think that Bill and I are really good for each other, as parents and as partners. I am not willing to give that up without a fight.

So here we find ourselves, in couples therapy, trying to find that connection that we once had. It's a lot of work for something we are not sure is possible, but if it does work, it will be well worth it. What matters is that we are both happy, whatever that ends up looking like. 

Don't Call it a Comeback

Ugh. 2017 (and late 2016) has been pretty sucky on many levels, for many people.  Today I'm wallowing in the total suckage that has sucked my fitness from Pretty-Solid-for-My-Age to Basically-A-Couch-Potato.  I think I've been less motivated to write for the blog because there's not a lot of fun stuff to blog about. Unfortunately, while there's a comeback lurking somewhere around a corner, you loyal readers might forget who I am if I wait for the comeback before writing again. Let's start at the beginning of the suckage.

August 2016: Officially bailed on my plans to do the McKenzie Trail Ultra I had registered for and lotteried into.  Training was taking way too much time away from family on the weekends, and I wanted to have some fun with the rest of my summer!  Proceeded to slack off even from my normal 20-ish miles per week, took two separate week-long trips, and generally enjoyed myself.

September 2016: Had a blast doing the Gorgeous Relay, which ended up being a 23-mile day for me (over the course of four relay legs).  It was fun but kicked my ass, and I definitely spiked my mileage too aggressively in the two weeks leading up to it.

October 2016: My left foot hurt every time I ran, which was only 3 or 4 times before realizing something was definitely wrong.  Visited a clinic on a lunch break, and they said not to run for a couple of weeks and it would probably go away.

November 2016: It didn't go away.  After two more excruciating weeks of hobbling around, an x-ray showed a stress fracture in the third metatarsal in my left foot.  Classic overuse/running injury, likely caused by that super-fun 23-mile day in September.  Got to give all my left shoes a break and rock a walking boot for 6-8 weeks.

The view under my desk.  I also had to give up my standing desk for 2 months, which was torture.  Sitting all day hurts!

The view under my desk.  I also had to give up my standing desk for 2 months, which was torture.  Sitting all day hurts!

December 2016: Started physical therapy, which was also a bit of non-physical therapy, given that my poor PT had to put up with my nagging about when I could start running, alternating with my worrying aloud that I had a little pain and maybe we were pushing too hard and oh my god what if I never run again?!

January - February 2017: Kept up the physical therapy while performing in a show and digging out from under mountains of snow, and I even got to run on the Alter-G, this amazing machine that encapsulates your lower half into a bubble of air that somehow allows you to run with just a percentage of your body weight.  We started at 70% and worked our way up to 95%.  I was ready to run again!

March 2017: I was all ready to do my first run on the roads (10 minutes!) when I came down with strep throat. Like a 10-year-old.  So I waited. A week of antibiotics later, and I headed out for a .75 mile slow run around the neighborhood.  It felt great!  Except that an hour later, my back had completely seized up--turns out that being in a walking boot for 2 months messes with your alignment--and I was out of commission for several more days.  I waited AGAIN. The triumphant return to running would have to wait until the last week of March, when I would finally have the time and the health to try again. I even mapped out an optimistic little training plan to make sure I would be ready for the annual Mt. St. Helens climb on Mother's Day weekend.

BUT THEN.

The little cold I developed over the weekend turned into pneumonia.  PNEUMONIA, people.  I'm really an optimist most of the time but JEEZ. Can a lady get a break? I'm really getting tired of the couch potato life.

Yes, that's a hot toddy.  It's therapeutic!  I need something to take the edge off while I daydream about trail running and read horror stories of runners who tried to do marathons with pneumonia.

Yes, that's a hot toddy.  It's therapeutic!  I need something to take the edge off while I daydream about trail running and read horror stories of runners who tried to do marathons with pneumonia.

So that's what's going on with me.  The pneumonia diagnosis came through just two days ago.  The comeback has to wait until I'm done with this round of antibiotics and I can breathe deeply without hacking up a lung.  In the meantime, I'm going to start blogging some recipes I've managed to cook up in the last few months, and I'm keeping fingers crossed that I'll still be able to climb St. Helens in May.  

I promise I'll try to spend less time perusing race websites and dreaming about what might have been.  And maybe I'll have a race report for you sometime later this year.

 

PS: I can't end this post with all that negativity, so here's a list of great things that have happened over the last few months:

  • My adorable kids turned 4 and 1 and we had wonderful holidays.
  • My wife started a volunteer gig teaching coding to women and got a much-deserved promotion at work.
  • I got to do a show I've wanted to do for decades, with an amazing cast of awesome people.
  • I am successfully getting my Spanish back in shape as I prepare to take on some pro bono immigration cases. 
  • I finally learned how to drive in the snow.
  • I continue to love my day job.

Apparently I'm still an optimist, albeit a slower and lazier one.

 

 

 

 

Easing in with an Easy Recipe (and an Injury Update)

I've been away for a while!  As it turns out, having a stress fracture--and therefore not being allowed to run for months--did not result in me spending all that extra free time writing for the blog.  Instead, I've worked a bunch, enjoyed a busy holiday with the family, and performed in a musical (which is something I do sometimes!).  My stupid metatarsal is taking its sweet time getting back to normal. I blame the kids, of course (shhh, don't tell them).  Not being able to truly stay off my feet has taken its toll, even with the walking boot that I was rocking for 2 months.

As spring approaches and I ease my way back into running, I'm also easing/barreling my way back into the wellness-focused life I'd been living.  Yes, I know it's "wellness-focused" to take necessary time off for physical therapy, but in the moment it just feels like one big couch-bound Netflix marathon.  In the vein of easing, I tried an amazingly easy recipe yesterday that turned out to be AMAZING.

This beautiful image--not mine--clicks through to the source site--OhMyVeggies.com

This beautiful image--not mine--clicks through to the source site--OhMyVeggies.com

As it turns out, I made a couple of tweaks to the original recipe, but they were minor:

  • I pureed 2 cups of canned corn kernels into the soup, and added 2 cups of frozen corn kernels at the end for texture.
  • I slow cooked on low (in my new Instant Pot!) for 10 hours, but the potatoes were still not tender enough for my immersion blender, so I pressure cooked the soup for 15 minutes before pureeing,  If you're using a regular slow cooker, just give it more time or cook it on high instead.
  • The only toppings I needed were some toasted and crushed corn tortillas and a ridiculous amount of avocado, but Wife stirred a load of sour cream into hers and loved it.
  • Bonus: turns out toddlers love this soup.

Next up:

  • I'm hoping to be cleared to try running on the ground soon.  I've only run in the Alter-G treadmill (which is this amazing anti-gravity thing), and I'm starting to work out on an elliptical and stair climber, but I'm itching to get back on the trails.
  • As my show closes and I have more time for cooking actual meals--much to my family's delight--I'll be messing around with (and sharing) more recipes!
  • I'll be sharing my 2017 race plan as soon as I have more info on my foot.  2017 is supposed to be Year of the Triathlon!

Life Update 3: Career and Other Stuff

Welp, I finally made the leap from my cushy, cliff-top perch that was part-time employment, into the roiling, ebbing, and flowing sea of freelance writing work. (In related news, I heart flowery language.)

My new logo!

My new logo!

Last week I gave my notice to XPO Logistics that I would be leaving in mid-February for greener yet more uncertain pastures. My manager of just a few months took it well, congratulating me and asking for feedback on what could make XPO a better place to work.

Honestly, there wasn't much that XPO could have done to make me stay. Sure, its culture has gone downhill a bit since being acquired (Con-way was bought by XPO in 2015). But I work from home, so I have been largely unaffected by that. They have also made some policy changes that I am not thrilled with, but again, those alone didn't make me leave.

The real reasons I left are:

  • Boredom -- I needed a change from the corporate life of status reports and Sharepoint sites.
  • Lack of flexibility -- I would like to be able to take a couple hours off occasionally to take my kids to the doctor or volunteer at school.
  • Passion -- This is the main reason I left. I have always loved to write, and I am discovering that everyone needs a writer, whether it be for marketing copy or long-form articles. Businesses are willing to pay for good writing. Passion meets income: voila!

That said, my decision to leave was not an easy one. I truly loved working with the folks on my team. They are all so talented and professional, and most important, fun. Since I started working from Con-way in 2006, I have made some lifelong friendships. I will definitely miss the people.

So, what's on tap for me after I leave? I will start working for Les Schwab as a part-time, flexible contract instructional designer. I have been working for them for months, evenings and weekends, and have really enjoyed it. The team has been so welcoming, and I am learning a TON about tires. Bonus!

I will also be writing marketing copy for a couple software companies based in Portland and San Francisco. These jobs will be hit-or-miss, but will be more writing-focused, which is what I am looking forward to.

I am always open to more writing opportunities, so if you have any leads, please send them my way!

In the meantime, my new business website is up at www.cascadecopy.com. You can also follow me on Twitter at @Meg_CascadeCopy